


Maximillian DeSoto: Moronsexual

by viveriveniversumvivusvici55



Series: The Care and Keeping of Moronsexuals [1]
Category: The Outer Worlds (Video Game)
Genre: Anger is kinda hot, Edgewater, First Meetings, Groundbreaker, Height Differences, Himbo, M/M, Monarch - Freeform, Oh No He's Hot, Scylla - Freeform, The Author Regrets Nothing, The Unreliable, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-09
Updated: 2020-01-27
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:15:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21728914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/viveriveniversumvivusvici55/pseuds/viveriveniversumvivusvici55
Summary: Teagan "Alex" Hawthorne is tall, charming, beautiful, kindhearted to a fault, and dumb as a sack of rocks.Maximillian DeSoto should not find all that so attractive.
Relationships: The Captain/Maximillian DeSoto
Series: The Care and Keeping of Moronsexuals [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1728808
Comments: 37
Kudos: 183





	1. Edgewater Introductions

**Author's Note:**

> I GOT THIS GAME FOR MY BIRTHDAY AND I AM SOLD ON IT. 
> 
> This is not going to be very good and I apologize in advance. It was an idea and I’m now just trying to ride it.
> 
> Chapter 8 has smut at the end if that’s something you want to skip.

When Miss Holcomb walks into the mission tagging along behind an outsider, Max is intrigued. There are not that many outsiders that come to Edgewater and despite himself, a little spark of hope flickers into the vicar's mind. Outsiders, especially non-workers, have both more flexible morals and skills to back those up. The stranger might just be exactly what he has been hoping for, the Plan finally snapping into motion. He makes a few quiet assumptions as he pretends to take notes: average looking, wearing strange-looking white armour with tubes hanging from it, blonde, a saber hanging from his left hip and an assault rifle on the other. A run of the mill freelancer. 

As the stranger gets closer, Max realizes exactly how skewed his initial perspective was because Law above, that man is beautiful. The presumed freelancer is a tall lean man, with swooping blonde hair, sparkling grey eyes, and a faint dusting of freckles and stubble. By the time the man gets to Max’s desk, Max has to crane his head back to look up at him. 

The man’s easily six and a half feet tall. He's young, maybe in his early thirties, and he smiles like a newborn star.

Max’s heart leaps into his throat as attraction slams into him like a pulse hammer. 

_This is going to be harder than I thought._

Luckily, his poker face is sublime and there is absolutely no trace of his internal dilemma as he writes a few meaningless notes on the page. When the man greets him, he looks up with a peaceful expression. 

"Yes, what is it?" He asks, pretending as though he does not see them, and then letting clarity side into his face. "An outsider? Fantastic! Vicar Maximillian DeSoto, at your service, or Vicar Max, if you're the sort who prefers brevity."

Now that he's looking at the outsider straight on, he can see a faint spray of freckles across his cheeks and two symmetrical scars ran down each eye. There is warmth in those eyes, sparkling and delighted, if a bit worried. _Definitely_ not a worker.

"And Miss Holcomb, as well," Max continues. "How rare to see you out. And with a complete stranger. Curious."

Parvati is hesitant and shy as always. "Just tagging along, Vicar DeSoto. Don't mind me."

Ah. Parvati had offered, or was asked, to follow along with something the outsider was doing. Probably for Reed Tobson. Max files that away and smiles up at the young man. "I so rarely get new people to talk to. Name your poison, anything at all. Spiritual counseling? This season's tossball predictions?" He smirks a little. "The quickest way out of town?"

The man raises an eyebrow at him. "How did you know I was an outsider?"

Max matches it with his own. "Not to put too fine a point on it, but your choice of wardrobe is not exactly common hereabouts."

The man looks down at his clothes and winces. "Right. I might need to go buy some clothes or something. I was told walking around in marauder armor might not be the best call either, no matter how good condition I found it."

 _And he's killed marauders. Even better._ "That might be a good idea," he says gently. "Also, you lack the distinctive worker gaze. Usually a deadening behind the eyes, or, in some rare cases, a wild-eyed frenzy. Like a trapped animal. Pretty universal here, except for Miss Holcomb. Who, for some reason, doesn't have much to say to me. Isn't that right?"

He eyes her, and she looks at him nervously. "It's just - there's more to it all than numbers. Sorry."

The man looks between them a little nervously, but reaches up with a large hand and pats Parvati's shoulder. "You must be right, Parvati," he says, voice gentle, "I don't know hardly any numbers, and I do just fine."

And just like that, the attraction begins to surge. _Oh no. He's an idiot._ Max instinctively reaches up to pinch the bridge of his nose. "Ah, excuse me. I'm suddenly experiencing...quite an amazing headache."

They talk a little longer. Max finds out the stranger's name - Teagan Hawthorne - and finds out that the reason they came to the mission in the first place was _not_ to give Max a headache with Teagan's complete inability to grasp metaphor but to ask for advice.

"Mr. Tobson has asked us to cut off the power to Adelaide's deserters, so they ain't safe from the wildlife and such," Teagan tells him. "I need a power regulator to get my ship going, so it's the one from the cannery..."

"Or the one in the botanical labs," Max finishes. "I see. I understand why you came, and why you must feel uncomfortable. I know Miss Holcombe has a-"

He narrowly stops himself from saying 'soft heart', because that would just turn into a headache. 

"-a kind heart, and I have a feeling that you do as well," Max continues. "Does that sound about right?"

Teagan nods. "So what do you think of them, Vicar?"

As much of a headache as Teagan gives him, it does feel good for someone to take him seriously. They chat for a while longer, and Max notes a wrinkle forming in Teagan's forehead at the thought of depriving anyone of power. A kind heart indeed, one that will experience a lot of heartache. For a brief moment, Max feels protective of him. Finally, he says, "Assuming your goal is to save as many as possible, I would suggest you divert the power to Edgewater, return the deserters to the fold, and find out if there is any tricks the deserters pulled to make life better here."

Teagan nods, obviously delighted with the answer. "Thanks a lot, Vicar. Got my work cut out for me."

"If you don't mind a bit of advice, be cautious on your way to the geothermal plant. It's not very safe out there."

"I saw that."

"I might ask - would you mind assisting me with something? It has to do with the safety of the town and the people."

Teagan nods, expression delighted. "Whatever I can do to help."

 _Oh, poor boy, it almost hurts to deceive you._ Max carefully spins his tale, telling him half-truths of his mission to find of banned heretical texts, and directs Teagan to where he hopes Bakonu's journal still is. Teagan takes quick notes, holds out his map for Max to mark down the last place he saw it, and says sincerely, "I'll keep an eye out for your book, Vicar."

Max smiles in return. "Thank you. If you retrieve it, you can always find me here."

With that, Teagan waves goodbye and sets off with Parvati, asking her on the way out why she thought the mission was too clean. Max simply shakes his head and returns to his writing. 

* * *

Apparently, despite whatever intellect Teagan lacks, the man is far more productive than most of Edgewater. First, the lights flare brighter and all of the power in Edgewater steadily rises. Second, after a chat with Teagan, Reed Tobson packs up his belongings and leaves Edgewater. Third, the deserters return to Edgewater, Adelaide at their front, and plans set in motion for a change to the cannery. Farming, from what he's heard, with some special fertilizer that Adelaide has concocted to bring life back to the soil. And finally, Teagan strides into the mission, covered in dirt and blood, with a package carefully wrapped in clean fabric. It looks like an old worker's uniform. Max's heart thuds for just a moment in excitement.

"You are quite a busy man, from what I have heard," Max says in lieu of a greeting. "Any progress on that matter we discussed?"

Teagan takes the fabric out from under his arm and unwraps it to show the journal, the blue cover standing out against the red fabric. "Here! He'd moved it to a cave. I tried to make sure it stayed clean for you."

That lovely smile helps slow Max's hands from ripping the book out of Teagan's hands, although he does take it with some urgency. "Wonderful! This is fantastic! Well worth all the sacrifices I-"

He freezes mid-sentence. The words aren't in English. The delighted expression on his face morphs into a scowl. He recognizes the accents, even if he doesn't understand a word. "What the fuck is this? Is this...French? I can't fucking read _French_!"

Max's eyes snap up to Teagan and Parvati, who are staring at him with their jaws dropped. He scoffs. "It's a Law-forsaken joke, is what it is. French!" Then he laughs, his anger taking a turn for the self-deprecating. "I was so high and mighty, preaching to the yokels about following the Plan while I was fighting it at every turn."

Teagan is quiet, seemingly pondering his next words, and says them in that Max distantly recognizes as choosing them carefully. "What's so important about this book?"

Max's anger carries the conversation forward. "I've spent my life searching for the keys to unlocking the Universal Equation that underlies the Plan. I had hoped this book held some of the answers. I became so desperate I even got myself assigned to this plague-ridden backwater to find the damned thing. All that time and effort I've spent...wasted."

Parvati makes an injured sound and Teagan gently soothes her, flashing Max an angry look. "Then this must be your cosmic re-tree-bu-tion,” he drags the word out slowly in a way that sounds like he just learned what it means. “Bad mouth the town you've come to serve, find out the book that brought you here is useless to you."

Alright, that does make his anger die down just a tad. "Yes, you're right. Such are the workings of the equation, although not quite in the sense you are describing. I've my own hubris to blame. I certainly never planned for this contingency."

"So...contingency away." Teagan shrugs. "What's your plan, Vicar?"

Max thinks for a moment. "Well, what I need to do now is find a translator, but in order to do that, I need to find transport."

 _Wait._

Max stares at Teagan. "You have a ship? Perhaps I could make myself of use to your crew."

Teagan chuckles. "You say that like I have a crew. It's just us." He gestures to himself and Parvati, who beams at the idea of belonging to something other than Spacer's Choice. Max honestly can't blame her. "What do you bring?"

"Well, you would have free spiritual counseling, for a start, and I'd be happy to watch your back," this feels like an interview. "I'm pretty handy with a tossball stick, or any blunt instrument, really. I'm also a passable gunhand, if it comes to that. I can usually talk my way out of a fight, though. Oh, I'm fairly competent at hacking computers as well."

Teagan grins. "Great! I'm not good with the smart things like that. You're in." That pretty smile beams at him and Teagan wipes off a hand on a clean part of his clothes, holding it out for the Vicar to shake. Teagan's hand wraps around his own, and that desire starts trickling back in.

"Welcome to the crew of the Unreliable, Vicar."

_The Unreliable? Law, what have I gotten myself into?_


	2. Onboard the Unreliable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introductions are made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Teagan is a repurposed Dragon Age OC, but I think I've given him a decent enough little personality.

The Unreliable, as ominous of a title as it sounds, is not a terrible ship. Max is pleasantly surprised when he steps on-board, staring at the scrawled red letters adding ‘un-‘ to the ship’s title. It’s in good condition, if powered down until Teagan gets the power regulator installed, and ADA, the ship’s navigator, has a touch of personality outside of her programming. Max feels excited as he loads his books up into what he is calling his room, and sets up a writing table. Finally, a step closer towards solving the equation.

He is making notes in his journal when he hears the exterior door bang open and two sets of feet walk in.

“Oh wow, she’s amazing!” He can hear Miss Holcomb’s voice babbling on about parts and specs, and Teagan is quiet until she starts to slow down.

“She sure is,” Teagan adds. “Can you show me how we get her started?”

“We just gotta connect the regulator, easy as pie,” Parvati smiles as their voices get quieter, presumably walking into the engine room. It takes longer than expected, but soon, power courses through the ship, the doors snap open, and the engines begin to purr.

Max puts his journal down and makes his way downstairs. He is leaning against the ship’s nameplate when they come out of the engine room. Teagan’s hair is a little spikier than before, not quite spilling smoke, but there is a wide eyed smile on his face synonymous with an adrenaline rush.

“Got your fingers in?” Max says, amused.

Teagan nods. “Better than coffee for getting you going.”

 _How am I attracted at all to this man?_ Max wonders to himself as Teagan fruitlessly tries to smooth down his electrified hair, static crackling along his fingers.

“By the way, Captain, I found some more clean worker clothes, so you don’t have to walk around in your suit. Not that it’s a bad suit, but it is very-“ Parvati doesn’t seem to know how to end her sentence.

“Obvious?” Max suggests. “Attention-seeking and not necessarily in a good way?”

Teagan looks at the suit and frowns. “Yeah, Adelaide said that too. Said the Board might look.”

That draws Max’s attention, but before he gets a chance to press for more details, Teagan promptly starts _stripping in the entryway_. He peels the suit off in one go, finding the zipper and sliding the white fabric slowly down his body. He does a little jump dance to get it over his hips and kicks the suit off so he’s just standing there in his underwear.

Parvati squeaks and turns her head. “Law, _Captain!”_

Teagan blinks. “What?”

Max can’t look away (even though he tries to look slightly off to the side so it doesn’t look like he is ogling the captain). The man is beautiful. Slightly tanned skin left from a life in the sun, many scars telling of a life well lived, and muscle to say the same. He’s not entirely hairless, as a blonde happy trail leads to his hips, and Max has to drag his eyes up from those hips in order to preserve his sanity. As Teagan raises his arms to pull the shirt on, Max’s eyes fall to the arc of his neck, the slight touch of blonde hair on the shoulders, and he feels his next exhale come out like he’s been punched in the gut.

The shirt goes on, disappointingly, and so do the trousers. They are in no way long enough - the sleeves stop halfway down Teagan’s forearms and there is a similar situation with the trousers and his calves. It looks ridiculous. 

“We may-“ Max coughs to clear his throat and wet his dry mouth. “We may need to find a tailor for you, so those actually fit.”

Teagan looks down at himself and then back at Max. “Yeah, that’s a good idea. Thanks, Vicar.”

Parvati peeks through her hands to make sure the coast is clear and then passes over some high boots. “I made sure these fit.”

Teagan hops on the spot to haul them on and sure enough, they are the right size for his big feet. They even manage to cover up the shortness of the trousers. Put on a jacket and no one would know the difference. Teagan stands up straight and beams. “Am I less obvious now?”

“Well, you’re still obscenely tall,” _and beautiful,_ Max very clearly does not say, “but yes, you are less obvious than you were before.”

“Alright!” Teagan picks up the suit, draping it over one arm, and runs it over to the workbench. He drops it in a pile (at least he’s somewhat tidy) and jogs back to the cockpit as ADA announces an incoming call from Phineas Welles.

_...fuck. Have I jumped in with a terrorist?_

* * *

He gets a chance to ask about that later.

“I have to ask, Teagan, how did you meet Phineas Welles, one of the most wanted men in the colony?”

“He woke me up,” Teagan replies as he mixes together some Tarmac and Cheese.

Max raises an eyebrow. “From a nap?”

“No, from hi-“ he pauses, reaching for the word and failing. “Long sleep, starts with an H?”

“Hibernation?” Max fills in.

“Yeah, that!” Teagan smiles. “I’m glad you’re so smart, Max.”

Max feels himself preen at the compliment before the word meaning sinks in. “You were in hibernation. As in on a ship?”

Teagan nods, leaving the food to cook and turning to look at Max. “Yeah. I woke up and he had put me in an escape pod, told me lots of things, and then dropped me to Terra-2.”

There’s...a lot to unpack there. Max begins with his first question. “What ship were you on?”

“The Hope,” Teagan says nonchalantly as if the very notion wasn’t extraordinary. “Dr. Welles said that we’d been knocked out of skip space, been making our way here slowly.”

“Say I believe you,” not that Teagan is a liar unless the entire dumb-as-a-sack-of-rocks thing is an act, but the truth is too strange to be real, “why is it just you? And why did Welles wake you up?”

“He said he only had enough stuff to make me wake up safely. Something called explosive cell death.”

Max stares in mild horror at the thought of Teagan's entire body liquifying. Teagan shrugs. “I don’t know why me. I know I’m not smart. A smart person would know what he meant. All I know is he wants to wake the rest of the ship and needs the stuff for it. And that the Board doesn’t want us awake.”

The Adelaide comment makes sense now. Too many questions about the Hope and the Board would most certainly come knocking. “And you want to help your crew.”

“Of course!” Teagan looks at him in surprise, expression yelling ‘obviously!’ as much as his voice. “My friends are on there, my family, and all the other people. I want to help them.”

_A good man. Perhaps the Plan led me to him._

“I see. Then I am glad you were set on this course. Tell me though: what was to be your job here in this new world?”

“Farmer,” Teagan replies. “Making soil happy for plans to grow. Adelaide gave me her notes so maybe we can try something in other places.”

Max nods to himself. “A farmer, a mechanic, and a vicar. Sounds like the set up to a bad joke.”

Teagan smiles. “A one-hundred-year-old farmer too. That’s a joke on its own.”

_You’re telling me._

"And what about you, Vicar?" Teagan pours the Tarmac and Cheese in a bowl and carries it over to sit next to Max. "What's your story?"

"Not quite as extraordinary as yours, trust me," Max chuckles.

Teagan's expression shifts to something deeply earnest. "It's still _your_ story. I'd like to know."

That spears him in the chest. Besides his general need for secrecy, Max finds himself in the uncomfortable position of not wanting to disappoint Teagan. That's a strange thought. He doesn't want this man to think less of him. So, lies of omission there shall be.

"My parents were laborers in a town similar to Edgewater," he begins. "They were devout people and found great joy in following Scientism."

Teagan frowns at him. "Devout?"

"Believed very deeply."

"Ah." Teagan gestures for him to continue. "I'll ask my questions about religion later."

Max privately looks forward to that conversation. "I envied their happiness, and I thought that if I became a vicar with the OSI and studied Scientism enough, I would be happy too. My parents weren't happy with the decision - they thought I was fighting the Plan and my place in the universe - but I had to do it."

Teagan is a rapt listener, and Max presses on. "I thought that the best way to make steps forward in understanding the Plan - which is my main goal, I want to help understand the Universal Equation and the Plan so we can move closer to the Grand Architect's designs - was to find banned books like the journal and see what they had to say. This journal is my best shot so far, and I still need a translator. But...that's me."

He says nothing about prison. Nothing about Chaney. This is a good place to leave off. 

"Thank you," Teagan smiles. "It's good to know more about the people you're traveling with. Especially when they are watching your back."

"I agree."

Teagan tries a bit of the Tarmac and Cheese and his expression curdles. "Why does all the food taste like science experiments?"

"Welcome to Halcyon," Max replies. "Just eat fast and you won't taste it."

With that advice, Teagan proceeds to wolf down the food as fast as he can, still frowning, and Max goes to find something to eat that isn't saltuna. 


	3. Groundbreaker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Groundbreaker. Teagan does not make a good impression on the Board.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I FINISHED THIS GAME YESTERDAY. 
> 
> I HAVE SO MANY IDEAS.

The Groundbreaker is not exactly what Max had expected. It is a station made out of a ship – everyone in Halcyon knows that - but opening the door to the promenade and facing the sheer amount of noise is staggering to him. It feels a bit like prison all over again, lots of people in one place, but with more lights and sound. He sways a little as they get closer to the promenade, the sound starting to overwhelm him. Miss Holcomb walks ahead, eyes wide and taking in the wonder, and Teagan reaches behind him to gently touch Max’s arm. His touch is only with the one hand, but that one hand proceeds to recenter Max's entire world.

“Hey. You need a minute?” Teagan whispers. Damn the man’s caring heart.

Max takes a second to breathe, to let the noise roll over him and focus on the task at hand, and he shakes his head. “I’m fine now, thank you, Captain.”

“Call me Teagan. Please,” he says, mouth quirking to the side. “That's Hawthorne's role that I'm pretending to be. I’m just a guy.”

As much as that doesn’t make sense, Max gets it. “Very well, Teagan it is.”

The man smiles like a sun and Max feels his heart thud in his chest. _Keep it together, keep it together._

They wander through the stalls, mapping everything out, and Teagan is particularly entranced by the man behind the Spacer’s Choice counter wearing the giant moon hat. He asks question after question, pushing through the slogans out of sheer fascination – including the line about how they put Martin through six years of vendor school to make him wear the hat, Law above, the poor man - and it is only until Teagan genuinely asks, “I am addressing the man beneath the mask. Are. You. Okay?” that Martin breaks.

“Damn it. There’s no slogan for that one. Look. This hat, my job? It may not seem like much to a brave space captain, but they’re all that I have. If there are self-made purgatories, then we all have to live in them. Mine can be no worse than someone else’s. Now if we’re done with the chitchat, I hope you don’t mind if I make the most of this short life and try to be the best moon person I can be.”

Teagan blinks. “Sorry if I pushed you too hard, Martin.”

“It’s fine. I should be stronger than this. Thanks for taking an interest.” Then the man shifts tone complete. “Speaking of interest, can I interest you in some quality budget goods? At Spacer’s Choice, we cut corners so you don’t have to.”

Teagan buys some supplies, probably out of guilt, and leans over to whisper to the man something about _‘if you think you’re going to go insane, ask for Captain Hawthorne. There's lots of room on our ship.'_ Max tries not to roll his eyes at the bad case of bleeding heart Teagan clearly has. Martin rejects it, of course, but Teagan seems to feel better that he even expressed the thought. They load up on ammo, and Teagan looks at the group. “Alright. Engineering for Parvati, hunt for something to get us in for Max’s sneaky thing, and also go yell at the Board to give me the goddamn ship back. Solid plan?”

Parvati and Max nod, although Max can't help but interject, “I appreciate that you have put our requests over that of the ship, Teagan.”

Teagan shrugs. “Of course. Why wouldn't I?"

It goes relatively well, if prolonged. The visit to engineering turns into digging into the Back Bays to find parts, clearing out a mantipillar infestation, and fixing the Groundbreaker (and helping Parvati quietly hit on the chief engineer). In that process, Max at least finds out that Teagan knows his way around an assault rifle, ripping through the mantipillars and security drones like there is no tomorrow. The man can line up headshots like no one Max has ever seen. And when the rifle doesn’t work, Teagan proceeds to put a plasma cutter deep into whatever is in their way. It is incredibly effective and more than a little attractive. Apparently, Teagan has his own violent enthusiasm to deal with.

...never mind a little. It is extremely attractive.

After that, digging around for an ID for the hologram thing Welles gave them turns into breaking into the medical bay to help clear a doctor’s debt and needing to negotiate an indentured servitude contract. So, they skip Max’s step to go straight to the Board embassy. Teagan weaves carefully through the guards and walks right in. Max comments idly, “Ah, the Board. Organized, efficient, competent. Well, mostly.”

Teagan snorts and steps up to the man at the desk with the pristine moustache, wiggling his broad fingers.

“Ah, yes,” the man comments. “Wheeler messaged me you were coming. You must be the captain of the Unreliable…a vessel that used to be helmed by one Alex Hawthorne. And you are not he."

_Shit._

"Has something happened to my favourite scruffy freelancer?”

The genuine concern gives Max pause. _Who is this man?_ But Teagan nods. “I’m sorry, Mr. Bedford, but Alex is dead.”

“Oh no, this is terrible! My dear friend!” The man – Bedford, presumably – nearly weeps into his hands. “What devilry is this? In whose miserable fever dream am I trapped?”

Teagan's expression goes through some dramatic shifts as he tries to wade his way through the words. Max just mutters, "He's sad, Teagan."

Teagan makes a soft noise of acknowledgement and says rather diplomatically, “I’m sorry for your loss."

“Oh Alex, there were so many arguments we’d yet to have…” Bedford sighs longingly. There is more than a touch of pining in there and Max tries very hard not to snort.

“What was your relationship with him?” Teagan asks hesitantly.

“He was my dearest friend. My only friend,” Bedford looks up. “You have his ship, you must know! That picture of us on the Promenade – me, hugging him; him, wincing – I keep a copy beside my bed. Did he?”

The man’s eyes sparkle with hope and Teagan’s hands clench behind his back, the captain taking just a second too long not to answer. That answers the question easily enough for Max – no, Hawthorne did not. Apparently, the friendship was not quite reciprocated to the same degree. Still, Teagan manages to not fumble too badly as he lies through his teeth. “Uh. Yes. Yup he did.”

_Smooth._

Bedford smiles, taking Teagan’s bait. “That’s just like him. Such a sentimental man. Tell me – how did he die?”

The captain clearly has a silver tongue. Teagan spins a story about Hawthorne being eaten by feral canids, and Bedford waxes poetic about how that was Hawthorne’s worst fear. Finally, Teagan manages, “Again, I’m very sorry. Can we get back to the topic at hand?”

“Right, right. You’re going important places, I’m sure. Big, exciting, important places,” the man taps on the computer. “There, I’ve removed the flag from your ship. I’m terribly sorry for the inconvenience.”

Teagan leans over to Max and asks, “Inconvenience?”

 _Sweet Law, you're an idiot._ “He’s sorry that it slowed us down, that it was a problem.”

“Oh,” Teagan leans back and smiles at Bedford, who looks more than a touch concerned at Teagan's dimwittedness. “Thank you for helping us out.”

“However, before you go…Alex promised to tell me the location of Phineas Welles – I’m sure you’ve seen his wanted posters all over the colony. Did Alex by any chance tell you where Welles might be? Anything at all?”

Max knows what Teagan will say before the man says it. “Alex never said anything about Welles.” _Technically true. They never spoke._

Bedford looks petrified. “That’s-well, that’s just terrible news. Law, what am I going to do now? The Board will have my head.”

Max tries very, very hard not to snicker. Banking on a smuggler who may not have even wanted to share the information in the first place...bad move.

“I’m sorry. This is terribly unprofessional of me.” _You say that like you’ve been anything but unprofessional this whole time._ “Is there anything else I might help you with?”

Teagan looks around and frowns. “Why are there armed guards in here? Is it not safe.”

Bedford shakes his head. “Not quite that. They’re here to keep the peace.”

Teagan's expression immediately jumps to delight. “A piece of what? Is there pie around here? I want some.”

Parvati muffles a giggle into her hands. Max feels himself torn between laughter and sighing very loudly. _You damned charming idiot._

Bedford blinks. “Um…I’ll admit you’ve caught me quite off guard. No, I’m afraid there isn’t any pie to be had.”

Max smiles. “That’s fine. I prefer cake.” _What is that historical phrase? The poor are starving, let them eat cake?_

Teagan beams at him, even while Bedford is raising his eyebrow at Max in a ‘why are you entertaining this idiot’ way and Max looks back first to Teagan with a small smile of indulgence, and then at Bedford with a ‘Why shouldn’t I?’ expression in return. It's rather fun to watch other people's blood pressure rise, and besides, whenever he does, Teagan just beams at him and Max's stomach does that little flip that he may _one day_ grow a resistance to. But not today.

And with that, Teagan inquires gently after Jessie Doyle’s debt. Bedford informs him that the woman owes her organs. Teagan gently wheedles, “Can’t she work for you until she earns back what she owes?”

Max translates, “I believe the Captain is proposing an indenture contract.”

Teagan frowns. “I didn’t say nothing about her teeth. She’s got to be worth more alive than dead.”

Max sighs loudly, but there is that little smile that he can't stop. “I’ll explain later, Captain.”

“That’s not unreasonable,” Bedford comments.

“I guess it’s better than losing your organs, but…I dunno, Captain," Parvati interjects, voice worried. "Just doesn’t seem right.”

“I’d help pay it off if I could afford it, Parvati. But we need the bits and I doubt I have enough."

“Ms. Doyle is deeply in debt – and the Board has every right to do whatever they like to recoup that debt. But what guarantee do I have that she’ll agree to the terms you negotiate?" Bedford frowns.

Teagan shrugs. “She’s hiding in sick bay to avoid assassins. I’m sure she’ll prefer work.”

“Very well. Anything else, or may I return to my work?” Bedford is very ready for them to leave. Max can sense it.

“Yup. Have a good day, Mr. Bedford,” Teagan waves before heading out. As soon as they get outside, Parvati lets her giggles slip out.

“‘Is there pie?’ Captain, you’re a hoot and a half.” Parvati giggles.

Teagan blinks. “I am?”

“Take it as a compliment, Captain,” Max says gently, trying not to let the inept confusion slither into his heart. Traitorous thing that it was.

“Okay. Thanks, Parvati,” Teagan smiles, all charm and warmth. “Now, let’s go find tell Ms. Doyle the good news and find a keycard for the guards. I think I saw one near the office.”

And as they slowly make their way into the guard’s office, relying on the holograms to cover for them, Max notices Teagan purposefully putting himself between Max and the other guards. Shielding him.

_Self-sacrificial idiot._


	4. Absurdity and Affection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Teagan is absurd. 
> 
> Max is obvious to everyone but Teagan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is inspired by how often ADA reminded me that there was only one bathroom on the ship.

Max knows that he takes a long time in the bathroom. It’s a little indulgence for him here. The aesthetic of a man of the cloth is just as important to maintain as the actions of it. It draws people to him, makes them more comfortable, and he is allowed a small touch of vanity these days, isn’t he? He’s earned t after the years he has spent working.

But there is, as ADA regularly reminds them, only the one bathroom on the Unreliable, and one has to time their long visits carefully so a long resentful line doesn’t form outside the door. Max has opened the door to a glowering, bouncing-in-one-spot Felix more times than he would like first thing in the morning, so he makes sure to wake up just a bit earlier to avoid such instances.

That being said, it gets really fucking irritating when someone else intrudes on that good will. Like when the door is locked at Max’s usual time and the sound of the water pipes running a shower groan through the ship.

Max counts slowly to a hundred. He finds psalms go through in his head as he stands against the wall, back relatively straight, holding his towel and bathroom supplies in front of him.

Finally, after an immeasurable amount of time (or at least, that's what it feels lik), the water stops. Max lets out a loud breath of relief, and the door opens. “Thank the Architect, I've been waiting for-”

Max doesn’t manage to finish his sentence. He manages to keep from gaping like a buffoon, but he can feel his mouth first dry and then fill with saliva. It takes every ounce of focus to keep his expression neutral even as every ounce of blood in his body heads south.

Because that’s Teagan’s chest.

Teagan’s bare

Wet

_Dripping_

Chest.

“Oh, morning, Max!” Teagan grins. The man is clad in naught but a towel, still relatively dripping wet. His blonde hair is spiky in that way that suggests he just ran a towel through it, and his skin is slightly red, warmed by hot water. Max wants to redden that skin more with his teeth.

The towel is in the perfect position too, skimming across his hipbones, and offering a perfect look at the man’s lean musculature. The thought briefly occurs to him to shove Teagan back into the bathroom, step in, and close the door behind them.

_Focus, Maximillian!_

“Good morning, captain,” he replies, keeping his face relatively neutral. “Feeling the need to be bare this morning?”

Teagan looks down sheepishly. “I…forgot clean clothes. In my room.”

“Of course you did,” he sighs. “I won’t keep you, then, lest you give Parvati a shock.”

A single drop of water runs down the side of Teagan’s neck across his collarbones. Max grits his teeth. _Architect have mercy._

“Oh!” Teagan seems to realize their position finally, and his cheeks bloom red. The blush spreads down his neck towards his chest, reddening it even more, and Teagan’s fingers knot in the towel that rests across his hips. “Right. Sorry.”

_Boy, I could devour you._

Teagan practically runs down the hall, leaving little wet footsteps, and Max watches him go with hungry eyes. The line of his spine seems painstakingly drafted to look alluring, beckoning him. Then the vicar shakes his head viciously and steps into the shower. He sets the water to cold and stands there for a moment, trying to clear his thoughts. It’s just a temporary arrangement. As soon as they can get to Fallbrook and find Chaney, he and Teagan will part ways. This is just business.

His dick doesn’t get the message, so he stays there until his blood is practically ice.

* * *

Roseway is the perfect indulgence for Max’s violent enthusiasm. It’s full of raptidons – _who in their right mind decides to bring raptidons to other planets, Law above –_ that will charge at them regardless of what they do. So when they see their first ones, Teagan hands Max a new, higher powered shotgun and says, “Send them to Heaven, preacher-man.”

Max saves the lecture about Scientism not believing in a heaven – and that Teagan really shouldn’t talk about old earth religions out here – and loads the shotgun. “Don’t call me preacher-man,” he mutters, but he knows Teagan doesn’t care. It’s a nice gun, smoother with the reload, and Max can already tell it will hit harder. He tests it by yelling at a raptidon, “May the Law have mercy on you – I won’t!” and letting a shot land square in the weak spot on the side of its neck. Then another, and another until the rapitdon falls down dead.

He turns to Teagan to thank the man for the purchase, and Teagan stares at him, cheeks red and pupils a little dilated. “That’s hot,” he says, completely shamelessly.

Max coughs and goes right back to shooting at raptidons as more charge them. This is not the time for flirting, and he knows that, but somehow the simple compliment is enough to make him trip up.

Ellie tells him later, while Teagan is negotiating with a particularly stubborn scientist, “You two are absolutely pathetic, you know that?”

Max glares. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“You clearly want to make the bed rock with him – anyone with eyes can see that – and he thinks you hung the damn moon.”

“Is there a point to this, Dr. Fenhill?” He says calmly, trying not to provoke her.

“It’s sickening to watch, all the fuzzies,” Ellie snarks. “Either do something about it or let the man down. He’s getting his hopes up over you.”

“You are clearly imagining things.”

“Watch, Vicky. You light up his damn world.”

And now that Max is looking, he can’t unsee how Teagan looks at him. And how often. Teagan is sneakier than most people, of course, but Max is well trained in the art of seeing what others don’t want him to. Not that the man is checking out his behind, the cassock is shapeless enough that it doesn’t really show much. But if Max is working at a terminal, Teagan’s eyes aren’t on the screen, but his hands. When Max is speaking and Teagan’s not paying full attention, the man’s eyes are on his lips. But that only happens if Max starts using big words that Teagan doesn’t understand. The rest of the time, Teagan just about hangs on every word Max says. He’s not smart, no, but he listens and does his utmost best to remember.

Then…there are the smiles. Whenever Max offers to help or says something kind, Teagan gives him this full array of smile. Max almost has a smile taxonomy put together his head for all of them. The “completely delighted because Max said something witty that Teagan understood” smile, the “Teagan finds Max hilarious” grin, the “Max just threatened someone and they started cowering” smile, the “Max was kind to me and I feel so soft” smile, and let’s not forget the “I have no idea what’s going on but I’ll just smile and nod” vacant smile.

That one gets under Max’s skin and makes him want to force Teagan to focus on him. Which he does. He’ll say something, slip in a simple sharp worded comment, and all of a sudden, Teagan’s focus will be back on him, and it might even have the “I am just going to smile because if I open my mouth, I’m going to ask Max to jump me” hungry smile.

Max _likes_ that one.

Max likes every single one of Teagan’s smiles.

…well, isn’t he just pathetic.


	5. King of Kings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Monarch. A religious conversation, Teagan's uncanny eye, and Max nearly beats the shit out of someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has somehow gotten popular quicker than anything else I've ever written. Alright. You want more? Y'all get more. 
> 
> (Not like I'm lacking for ideas, anyway.)
> 
> ...god, I wish sniper rifles were an option in this game. That would be Teagan's favoured weapon.

“So Max…what is Scientism anyway?”

The question startles Max from his reading and he looks up to see Teagan towering in the doorway (although it’s not really an intimidating loom – the man is far too nonchalant in his leaning on the outside of the doorway). The question startles him and Max feels a little trickle of surprise. “What brought this about?”

“Well, Parvati keeps asking you ‘bout the Plan and all, and Felix is fixing to fight you over the Oh-Es-Eye,” Teagan says every syllable pointedly and it makes Max grimace. “But I reckon I know nothing about it. And you’re our in-ship expert on the subject.”

Max looks up at Teagan with a raised eyebrow. “You really want to know about it?”

Teagan nods. “I might not understand it all but I want to try. It’s real important to you so…gotta be worth hearing about, right?”

Warmth blooms in Max’s chest. Of all of Max’s hungers, the easiest to feed is the one to be heard. While he knows that Teagan hangs on his every word, the fact that Teagan is even curious means a great deal. “Then sit down. Let’s talk.”

Teagan pulls up a chair, long legs splaying out in the room. The man has shed his armor for tailored clothes from Groundbreaker – dark brown slacks that are loose around the calves but cling to his strong thighs, a black button up shirt slightly open at the top to reveal a glimpse of skin, a red scarf tied around his neck, and the same worker boots from Edgewater. The clothes are, otherwise, quite plain, but they fit him well, showing off the warmth of his skin and the brightness of his eyes. It makes him look, quite frankly, devastating. Or maybe Max is just hard up and guzzling down the first tall drink of water like a dying man.

Wait. Hold that thought.

Max clears his throat and goes to his bookshelf, pulling out an introductory volume. “First things first. You'll tell me if you don't understand what I'm saying? I can" _dumb it down_ , "make it simpler for you, if necessary."

"Wow, thanks, Max," Teagan's smile is joyful, possibly because Max recognizes his limits and works with them. "I'll try to tell you."

Max swallows around the lump in his throat and replies, "Then what do you wish to know?”

Teagan rests an arm on the table, taps a long finger against the wood for a moment as he puts words together. "What is it about?"

That is easy. Max begins gently, "The OSI, the order I belong to, teaches that the Grand Architect set a perfect system in motion at the beginning of time. Contentment is found by accepting one’s role in that Grand Plan."

Teagan raises an eyebrow. "Oh-Es-Eye?" The way he says it makes Max grind his teeth.

"Order of Scientific Inquiry. Laypeople, like you or Felix, call it Scientism."

"Ahhhh," Teagan breathes an affirmative. "So...can you put in a good word with the Architect for me? You know, unofficial-like?"

The sigh that Max lets out is deep exasperation. "That's not how it works."

"I don't get it."

"Obviously," Max shakes his head slightly. Teagan makes a slightly hurt noise at the dismissal, but Max ignores it. "You don’t talk to the Grand Architect. Once the universe was set in motion, it stepped back. It has no concern for us."

"Well, that sounds real sad. It left us alone? Abandoned us?" Teagan asks. 

"Would you say a bird pushing its young out of the nest is abandoning them?" Max returns.

Teagan's brows furrow.

"No. The Grand Architect put the pieces in place, and it is our job to follow them."

"I still don't get it. That don't leave much for people to work toward. What's there for us to...work up to?" Teagan is the picture of confusion, but he has turned to look at Max, every ounce of focus levelled at him, elbows on the table and back hunched as if that will help him understand more. "Earn Architect's favour or fit in the Plan better or whatever?"

"I take it you weren't raised in Scientism," Max guesses.

A shake of the head. "Mama was somethin' between that philosophist stuff and somethin'...I think she called it protesting? Protestant?"

Max will have to look into that. "What we work towards, Teagan, is reading the Plan better. It's like we are operating a ship without the instructions. If we can deduce the properties of every particle and its trajectory, we will know _everything_. The future, the past, each person‘s place within the Plan, all will be laid out before us, removing struggle and bringing peace," he feels the momentum of the words carry him forward, Teagan's attention feeding him as well as his hope to fully believe everything he says, "No one will ever need question their path again. Some even believe this ultimate knowledge will unlock mankind’s true potential and we will all become akin to Grand Architects ourselves, after a fashion."

Teagan makes a noise of understanding. "So it's like we're operating a ship without the instructions, so we gotta fill in the book page by page?"

For a man of low intelligence, he can wrap his head around metaphors if they are worded just the right way. Max nods. "Precisely. And if when we have the book full, we could build new ships."

"Except ships are...?"

Max shrugs. "Perhaps we live forever. No one gets sick, no one starves, no one ever has to fight. It will be paradise."

"That sounds a long way away, Max," Teagan replies. "That why you want to do that thing you want to do so bad?"

"The translating. Yes," Max resists the urge to press Teagan to leave the ship immediately, to head to Fallbrook and find Chaney. They're on the right planet now, and they are so close that he can _taste it_.

"So...what's my place in the Plan then?" Teagan asks. "In your vicarly opinion?"

People have asked him the question before. "We do not truly know. All we can do is keep working and see that what we do enriches the spirit and those around us."

* * *

In truth, for the most part, Max understands Teagan’s place in the Plan. A kind heart to help, a simple mind to not think about it too hard, a charming smile and silver tongue to rally people to his side, and a chaotic personality to let almost anything happen. For all of his low intelligence, the man could talk a miser out of their last coin, which he would then promptly give to a starving child. He's a peacemaker, a sweet talker, and possibly the perfect mover and shaker to help bring the Plan to its end destination, to force the change that Halcyon desperately needs

What doesn’t make sense, though...is Teagan’s uncanny aim.

Max gets that a gun is sometimes necessary to make things happen. As much as Teagan doesn’t enjoy death, he gets it. It’s not that Teagan isn’t ruthlessly effective. He is. But he makes shots that are sometimes just _impossible_.

Nyoka crouches next to Teagan, just below the apex of a hill to the north of Cascadia, and Max covers them behind him. Her finger stretches out, pointing to something at the corner of the wall. “Hey, captain. Think you can get that one?”

Teagan squints in the distance and peers through the scope of his rifle. Max isn’t sure what the man sees, but he had heard that Cascadia is crawling with marauders. All he knows is that whatever Teagan sees, the man feels confident enough to say, "Yup."

“Bet you ten bits you can’t get all of them along the wall there?” Nyoka is grinning. 

Teagan raises a shaggy eyebrow, turning his head to look at the hunter. “Really?”

“Yup.” 

Max privately knows that Nyoka is far too confident because she has never seen Teagan shoot, but he is still attentive. Teagan reloads his rifle and crouches down, anchoring himself and steadying his aim. He looks down the sights, takes a slow breath in, and on the exhale...it’s like time stands still. Teagan’s trigger finger moves quicker than Max has ever seen on a human, the barrel darting left and right, and as Max peers through his own scope, he can see bodies fall one after another like bowling pins.

HOW.

DOES HE.

_DO THAT._

Nyoka's jaw drops, and Teagan quickly reloads his rifle. "There's definitely more in there," he says completely nonchalantly, as if he didn't just pull off a miracle of marksmanship. "Nyoka, care to do the honours and we'll back you up?"

Whatever shock Nyoka feels is immediately brushed away as she lifts up her light machine gun. "Oh, my _pleasure,_ Captain." She steps forward, and Teagan rises to follow. Max rapidly loads his shotgun and jogs along behind, feeling more than a little outclassed in the group. He had told Teagan that he was a passable gunhand, and he was, but that was nothing compared to being on a team with these two. Between them, they are a storm, with Teagan as the lightning that darted in first and Nyoka as the thunder that followed. Still, he lets out his fare share of bullets and quips, and when the shotgun isn't enough, Max darts forward with a telescoping rod to finish the job. 

Teagan does have to save him a few times, though. And Max is probably responsible for most of the Adreno that they go through. He refuses to feel guilty about that, though. 

When Cascadia is cleared, Teagan checks his map and compares it with Nyoka. "Where to now?" The hunter asks, mapping out a route.

"Fallbrook," Teagan replies. "For Max's special thing."

Nyoka wiggles her eyebrows at Max, who snorts. "Your mind works in interesting ways, Miss Ramnarim-Wentworth. Simply a translator I am hoping to meet."

"And someone there I gotta get money out of," Teagan adds. "So...Fallbrook?"

_Finally._

* * *

They find Chaney panning for gold. The moment that Max sees him, he can feel the anger clouding his vision, and when Chaney speaks to him, that only grows. "Vicar Max? What are you doing on Monarch? I thought scienticians ain't welcome here."

Max feels the words snapping out of him like live wires. "Haven't you heard? Everyone's welcome here, it's a fucking worker's paradise. But you wouldn't know anything about that, would you? Never worked a day in your miserable life. You're just a parasite, living off of my goodwill. Well, guess what?" His fists clench. "My goodwill's exhausted, along with my temper."

Teagan frowns at him. "Max, if you're exhausted, maybe we should rest and do this later."

And apparently, along with his goodwill and temper, Max's tolerance for Teagan's stupidity is exhausted too. He whirls on his captain and snarls, "You never cease to amaze me, the shit you say."

Teagan recoils, hurt, but then his frowns furrow as a dim bulb slowly brightens. "What's going on here?"

"This is the guy who told me about the book while we were in prison. I lied about finding a scholar," Max snaps. "But I don't care about that anymore. I just want to inflict _massive_ amounts of _pain_ on his guy."

And then he stalks forward, fists raised, and Teagan steps forward, a strong hand placed on Max's chest to keep him still. "Maybe he didn't know the book was in French, Max," Teagan says firmly. 

"Oh, he knew, didn't you?" Max leans around Teagan to growl at Chaney. _"Didn't you?!"_

Chaney backs away, hands up in surrender. "Okay, okay, I admit it. I was tired of your high and mighty speechifying all the time! It was just a joke, I swear, I didn't mean nothin' by it!"

"See, Captain?" Max looks up at Teagan, rage contorting his features, "I've dealt with this swine before. I know how he thinks. Now, where were we? Oh, that's right. I was about to beat you. Severely."

Teagan's hand is still pressed to Max's chest, holding him back, as Chaney pleads, "Wait, wait, wait! I know who can translate the book for you!"

"It's too late for that. I threw away my life chasing fairy tales. Will punishing you fix any of that? Of course not," Max tries to charge through Teagan's arm, but the man is still holding him. His voice drops, the snarl filling his chest, "But, by Law, it will make me feel _a whole lot better."_

Teagan makes a coughing sound that, if Max was less angry, he would recognize as Teagan somehow biting his tongue against saying something inappropriate. But then his voice clears and that arm shoves him back. "Max, stop."

Max doesn't pause for a second. "I'm not going to ask you twice, Captain. _Move._ "

" **I said, STOP."**

Teagan's voice echoes in the river valley, and Max pauses. Teagan doesn't yell, but here he is, standing between Max and his vengeance, hands nowhere near his gun, every ounce of attention aimed at him. "I ain't letting you kill the man. Maybe the answer you want is _in_ that book. You wanted someone to help you read it? We'll find them."

The command in Teagan's voice breaks only slightly through Max's rage. "Okay, okay. Talk, Reggie."

Chaney is absolutely hiding behind Teagan, and he peeks around Teagan to say them. "It was stolen from some sort of expert on Philosophism. Weird hermit lady on Scylla. My father used to deliver supplies to the mining outpost there."

Teagan gives Max a look. "See? That's sorted then. We go to Scylla."

Oh, Teagan may be stupid but Max is not. "I don't think so. A crazed hermit on Scylla? He's playing us for fools."

"It's true!" Chaney cranes his head back to look up at Teagan. "My father collected some extra bits on the side by _diverting_ some of the supplies to the gal. The way he told it, he thought the book looked valuable, so he took it. Couldn't find any buyers when the book turned out to not only be French, but banned as well."

Teagan looks at Max. "What do you say, Vicar?"

The anger has faded as hope starts to take root in Max's chest again and as Teagan's steady calm starts to break through. "Fine. We've got more important things to do anyway."

Nyoka has, blessedly, not said a word while she watched the show. Teagan, in the meantime, pushes Max up the river, a hand wedged firmly between Max's shoulderblades (he can feel the weight and warmth of the touch through his cassock and if the guilt wasn't starting to seep in, Max would be relishing this). As soon as they are out of visibility of Chaney, Nyoka finally speaks. "I'm gonna go rustle up a drink. I'm thinking that you two got a lot of talking to do."

She makes her way over to the house of hospitality, and Teagan leads them off the road to a quiet spot. He crosses his arms over his chest, a neutral expression on his face, and waits for Max to speak. 

Finally, Max does. "Thank you. For talking some sense into me. It has been a long time since I gave into my...violent enthusiasm."

Teagan's eyebrows furrow and his voice is soft, hurt. "I'm glad. But why did you feel the need to lie to me, Max? About Chaney? I know I ain't the smartest tool in the shed, but I woulda believed you."

The fact that Teagan isn't angry about it, just hurt, hits Max hard. He hangs his head a little. "You're right, I owe you an apology. I've been so obsessed for so long...I couldn't see anything else." And that is the worst of it. Teagan had been nothing but open and giving, and Max had, in his distrust and obsession, squandered it. "You offered me a place on your crew, friendship, and I used you to get to Chaney. And even then, you...saved me from myself. Like you have saved everyone around you. I don't know if I could have lived with myself had I gone through with it."

Teagan doesn't say anything, and Max feels his shoulders come together under the weight of those grey eyes. He steels himself, looking up at the man. "You owe me nothing, I know, but I'm..." _Deep breath, Max, you owe this man everything,_ "I'm begging your forgiveness."

"Done." Teagan's response is quick, barely letting him finish his sentence. 

"You can't mean that," Max replies.

Teagan shrugs. "We all get obsessed sometimes. You're forgiven. Just...tell me next time? You can trust me, Max."

 _Oh, I do._ Max nods. "Thank you. I promise, I'll be nothing but truthful from this point forward."

Teagan raises an eyebrow. "So if I ask you what it was like in prison..."

Max laughs. "It was exactly as you might imagine. Can't say I enjoyed the stint, but it did give me plenty of time to think. The way I see it, the universe was snapping me back to where I was needed to be. You stray too far from the course of your destiny, the world will try to correct for it."

"So what does it say that it brought you to me?" Teagan replies.

_The truth, Max. Out with it._

"That it knew me being with you was the right decision."


	6. Breakfast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Breakfast time on the Unreliable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short and sweet. I know the last chapter was a doozy, but I couldn't get this scene out of my head.

There isn’t a whole lot of domesticity on board the Unreliable, but there is something about Teagan that people want to be around him. Not that Max can blame them in the slightest - outside of his obsession and Teagan being his first ticket out of Edgewater, it’s why he gravitated to the man. There is such a magnetism to him, a kindness and heart that drew people to him like planets around a star.

Either way, when Teagan decides to actually sit at the table in the galley and eat breakfast? Most of the crew joins him. Nyoka is only there about 25% of the time, given that she is wildly hungover or unconscious most mornings, but when she somehow isn’t, she finds the easiest thing to make to try and get something in her stomach. Or she’s picky and wants something ‘pure’, so Teagan will make some cereal with chopped nannas and pour vodka into it instead of water.

Somehow, the ghastly concoction works for her.

Parvati drinks tea, Felix starts the day off with soda pop, and Ellie fixes herself a hot mug of coffee and a cigarette. Max does the same, aside from the cigarette, and Teagan rotates depending on the morning. They all eat whatever Max and Parvati can assemble out of the food Teagan buys and scavenges from place to place. They go through a lot of fruit - Teagan has more than once scaled trees and filled up sacks of mock apples for them to work through - and avoid saltuna as much as they can. Sometimes it can’t be helped, but Parvati heavily recommends the Deluxe over the Gourmet. “More actual saltuna in those ones,” she tells them.

The room is always full of noise. Parvati is up eagerly every morning and can usually be found chatting with Felix and Teagan about aetherwave dramas that they’ve managed to catch in their off-time. Ellie joins in when they’re talking about The Masked Marketeer, but otherwise is off in her own mind. Max tends to stick to himself, focusing on his books. Felix and Ellie live to prod him, of course. They delight in his reactions, testing how far his leash on his temper goes. Occasionally, though, Felix and him find peace in talking tossball. They listen to some games together and discuss them, and when one of them misses games while running out and about with Teagan, they update each other on it. No one else interjects, not understanding a lick of the rules, but that is fine. It’s still good conversation. All the while, SAM chugs around them, cleaning up any mess they leave behind.

It is, on the whole, one of the nicer things about being on the Unreliable. Some moments, it reminds Max of prison, of the swelling volume and the bustling bodies and each person trying to make themselves heard over each other in their respective conversations. Other moments, it reminds him of the daily family meal at his parents’ home, of comfort and peace in between the firefights and labour. Other moments, it is completely unique. It’s a camaraderie he’s never quite had - friends that support each other and rib each other. It’s a small family.

And Teagan encourages it. They all take care of him, in their own way. Parvati finds ways to explain the workings of the ship to him and even other basic electronics (the day she had to tell him that the door itself wasn’t talking, that it was an intercom and someone was talking on the other side, is a strong memory). Ellie patches up their wounds and does her best to explain sarcasm. Felix is only a few hairs smarter than Teagan, and they go through politics. Nyoka tells hunting stories that enthralling Teagan and in turn teach him to be a tad more cautious. And all the while, they cover his back, watch him as he steps into negotiations, keep him company on darker days.

They all keep a good eye on their captain. They take care of him as much as he does them.

They’ve turned into a little family, with Teagan as their slightly out of touch patriarch. He loves them all, Max knows it, and they all do him.

Perhaps Max does in a slightly different way than the others. Or maybe not. Parvati’s head is in the clouds, all wrapped up in Chief Tennyson, but otherwise, everyone with eyes watches Teagan shirtless or when he walks around in tight pants. The jealousy sometimes makes Max see red. Ellie and Felix sometime flirt with Teagan more just to make Max angry.

(It Works.)

"Vicky!" Ellie sits across from him, putting her legs on the table with enough force to shake his plate. "You still not switched over to a datapad?"

"Nope," he pops the last syllable, not looking up from his book. "You still being a fucking nuisance, Dr. Fenhill?"

"Thought men and women of the cloth were supposed to be meek and patient-like," she teases.

"The Universal Plan favours the bold, Dr. Fenhill."

"Max!" Felix slides into place next to him. "Auntie Cleo's Darlings playing tonight. Heard there's a big scandal!"

"Yes, I heard," Max is going to give up reading at this point. "I might be able to join you for watching it tonight, if the Captain's just got business in town."

"Sweet!" Felix cracks a can of soda pop. "Rangers are going to destroy them."

"As usual."

"Morning, Mr. Vicar," Parvati takes her spot next to Ellie, while Teagan leans against the counter. Parvati's hands are covered in engine grease, and Teagan's hair has grease in it, twisting it into interesting spikes, but there is his usual warmth that makes Max's heart skip a beat every time their eyes lock.

"Parvati's been helping me make my rifle better," Teagan smiles. "Might be able to fix your shotgun, Max."

"That would be lovely, Teagan. Thank you." Max closes the book and puts it away. Ellie wolf-whistles, which makes Teagan frown in confusion and Max flash her his usual glare.

"Now, what's for breakfast?" Felix grins. "I'm starving."

Max raises an eyebrow. "Whose turn is it today?"

"That'd be you and the captain," Parvati chirps.

That's no hardship. Max rises to take his place next to Teagan at the counter. Their shoulders touch as Max reaches for a Buncha Nannas, fresh from the Edgewater Garden, and Teagan's cheeks go a little pink. Max smiles as he sets to chopping and Teagan starts fishing ingredients out of the cupboard, the rest of the crew chattering away behind them.

_Ah, mornings._


	7. Near-Death, Near-Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Teagan gets a bad idea and Max nearly gets a heart attack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Excuse the thinly veiled Lord of the Rings reference.

“WOOHOO!”

“TEAGAN!”

Max has decided to take it under advisement that whenever Teagan says “Hey, I have an idea,” Max should find significant amounts of either ammo or medical tape. The man can charm his way out of many difficult situations, this is true, but more often than not, the simplest and most direct routes do not work. Neither do the things that Teagan thinks will look fantastic for a spectator, but are, in actual fact, fucking terrifying.

This includes, but is not limited to, Teagan deciding to jump on a mantiqueen’s back and ride it while he shoots it in the head.

There are two mantiqueens in this cave below Devil’s Peak, and they have taken down neither. Their bullets have been doing very little, and Teagan had decided that there had to be a vulnerable spot up there. So he’d climbed up a rock and when it was bent down trying to bite Nyoka, Teagan had leapt. Max stares in horror, shotgun at the ready to blast the mantiqueen in its stomach where the swarms come out, and he yells out, “TEAGAN FOR FUCK’S SAKE!”

Nyoka pauses shooting to reload and shouts, “That’s not gonna work, Captain, you’ll just make it angry!”

Teagan doesn’t have time to shout anything back, because the repetitive drumming of bullets into the mantiqueen’s skull clearly pisses it off. It screams, arching up onto its back to try and buck Teagan off. To the man’s credit, Teagan hangs on for dear life, legs wrapped tightly around its neck, fingers wrapped tightly around one of its spines. When he doesn’t come off, the other mantiqueen runs over and bites his leg. He screams with pain, losing his grip with his legs and clinging on to a spine with dear life as he tries to jump down. Seeing a weakness, the mantiqueen then proceeds to whip him into a rock face. Hard. His head slams back into a rock, his helmet the only thing keeping him from cracking open like an egg, and he slides down to the ground. There is…no movement.

Max may see red at that.

“Captain!” Nyoka yells, and proceeds to let a barrage of bullets into the vulnerable parts on the mantiqueen. “Max, GO!”

In a frankly supreme effort, Max pushes through his instinctive urge to unleash hell upon the mantiqueens. He does let off one shot into an orifice, making the creature scream. But then he is running behind Nyoka, dodging the last mantipillars to get to Teagan. If there was any room for coherent thought in his head, he would be praying that Teagan is still alive, that he’s still okay. Even so, Max frantically pulls off Teagan’s helmet, trying to be careful as he pulls it off.

Teagan is unconscious, of course. Long blond eyelashes brush his skin, his head slumps at an uncomfortable angle, and there is blood on the inside of the helmet. Max swears, feeling panic settle in and having to force through it. He digs in Teagan’s pockets for the Adreno Inhaler. It’s easy enough to find, thank the Law, and he presses it over the man’s face. With a squeeze, the syringe empties and Max presses on Teagan’s chest to force a breath. Not that Teagan isn’t breathing ( _Max wouldn’t know what to do if Teagan had stopped breathing)_ , but it’s not enough.

“Come on, you idiot,” he manages softly. “You’re not dying in a cave on Monarch. Come on.”

Two syringes later, and Teagan’s eyes flicker open. He coughs and gasps for breath, taking in more Adreno, and Max only draws the inhaler away when the third syringe is finally empty. Teagan gasps, eyes unfocused until they settle on Max, and Max feels the panic slowly fade.

“Ow,” Teagan says softly.

Max sighs and touches Teagan’s face gently, tilting his head and checking his pupils. “Don’t do that again.”

Teagan leans slightly into the touch, and for a moment, they both forget that there are bullets flying behind them. Then the mantiqueens roar and they jump back to themselves.

“We’re not done yet. Aim for their stomachs, where the swarms come out,” Max tells him, handing the Inhaler back.

Teagan nods and doesn’t even take the time to put his helmet back on. He grabs his rifle, takes aim, and time seems to slow down as he lets out some pointed shots right at those weak spots. It’s the first smart decision he’s made the whole fight, and slowly, the mantiqueen falls. With a shout of triumph, Nyoka drops the other, and they focus on the swarms and mantipillars after.

When they finally have a moment to pause, licking their wounds, Max takes an opportunity to stand on a rock to reach the tall bastard and smack Teagan on the side of the head. Not the back on the freshly healing wound - he's not that much of a sadist.

“Ow!” Teagan rubs his head and looks at Max. “What was that for?”

“What the hell were you thinking?” Max snarls in disbelief. “They’re covered in armour, so your idea was to JUMP ONTO IT and SHOOT THE ARMOUR.”

Nyoka raises an eyebrow. “I do want to hear the logic behind this.”

“There was no logic,” Max replies, exasperation filling him, “just a thought of…”

He gestures Teagan to fill in the gap, and Teagan hangs his head while muttering, “This worked in an aetherwave drama.”

Nyoka hums. “Oh, I know the one you mean! The Battle of Haradrim, right, with the mammoths.”

“Exactly!” Teagan perks up. “That scene was amazing!”

“Except it’s an aetherwave drama, Captain,” Nyoka says gently. “Monarch doesn’t work like that.”

He sighs, forlorn. “I know.”

Max is so angry that he can barely breathe, let alone speak, and Teagan finally meets his eyes. His eyes widen, reading Max's shaking hands and tight expression, and his mouth twists. Teagan doesn’t reach out to touch him – the man knows better – but he is perceptive enough to say, “I’m sorry I scared you, Max.”

And that’s what it is. Under all of the anger against the mantiqueens, Max had been absolutely terrified for Teagan. He didn’t want to see Teagan hurt – and he certainly didn’t want to see Teagan die. The thought of Teagan not being alive is…agony. Unbearable. Max swallows and he feels his anger slip away, expression fraught with quiet fear.

“Just…don’t do it again. Please,” Max says gruffly, trying to hide that rush of weakness.

“I won’t. Now, the road ahead should be easy.” Teagan starts the hike up, and Nyoka looks at Max.

“You have it bad for him, don’t you?” She says quietly, more care in her voice than he would expect.

“Be quiet,” Max mutters, shouldering his shotgun and following his Captain up the hill.

"He's got it bad for you too. I got eyes."

"You do know what be quiet means, Ms. Ramnarim-Wentworth?"

“You should tell him,” Nyoka refuses to be silent. “Only thing that comes with keeping your mouth shut is regret.”

“And what, pray tell, would I say?” Max growls. He has several aetherwave drama worthy options:

  * _By the way, Teagan, I’ve wanted to climb you like a tree since you walked into my mission and now I’d do anything for your smile._
  * _Teagan, you asked what it meant that the Plan brought you to me, and I think it means that it knew I needed someone to love._
  * _Captain, would you be so kind as to let me rail you against your desk and then cuddle me afterward._
  * _You’re a beautiful fool and don’t everyone just love you for it. Including me._



They are all dreadful. He spits out, “And there is certainly more than regret that could come of it.”

“You really think that he’d make a fool of you?”

 _No. He’d never._ Max stays quiet at that. Nyoka presses her suit. “Come on, Vicar. Take it from someone who has lost people. Say it before you don’t get a chance to.”

Max thinks about Scylla, about the unknown awaiting them. He thinks of the danger around every corner, about Teagan’s still face and blood dripping down his armour, about the times his own vision has gone dark and Teagan’s frightened voice screaming his name. He says nothing. It feels like he’s standing on the edge of a cliff, looking down into a river. It could be his doom or it could be the greatest thrill of his life.

Now he just has to get the courage to leap.


	8. Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Teagan doesn't quite get it. Max has infinite patience.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not good at writing smut, even little bits. I tried. I hope this lives up to expectations. If that’s something you wanna skip, stop at the confession.

_Be truthful, Maximilian. You don’t know what will happen at Scylla. You may get every answer, or another disappointment, or if you’ll be on your way after this. If it is anything you aren't hoping for, you'll need to have some closure._

**_This could go so wrong._ **

_It could also go right._

**_Whatever you're going to decide, just do it._ **

The ship is quiet, the other crew tucked up in their rooms for the night, so its just Max, his emotions, and the man on the other side of the door. Max swallows and knocks on the door to the captain's quarters. _No time like the present._ There is only a moment before Teagan calls a gentle, “Come in!” With that, Max presses the button to open the door and steps inside, letting it shut behind him.

Teagan is sitting at the desk, feet up on the edge of the desk next to some model spaceships, a paper book in his hands. When he sees Max, a smile breaks across his face, delighted. “Hi, Max!”

People never look that happy to see him. Max can’t help the small bashful smile that flickers on his lips for just a moment before fading back down. “Teagan. I hope I am not interrupting.”

“Nah, nah, just reading,” Teagan shakes his head.

"What are you reading?" Max can't help his curiosity. 

Teagan turns the cover around for Max to see. _The Universe and You: Words to Live By._ "S'poetry, I think. Zora gave it to me. Some of it sounds like science, some of it doesn't, but I wanted to try."

He frowns. "Why would you read that..." _SHIT_ "trash?"

"Well, I wanna be able to talk to you about this stuff, not just have you teach me," Teagan says with a smile. "I know you said you missed civilized talkin'."

Max's heart thuds in his chest. "You put in too much effort to talk to me."

Teagan shakes his head. "Nah. Just enough."

There's no words Max can summon to reply to that properly. But Teagan puts the book on the table and brings his feet down. “What’s going on? Something I can help with?”

Max had planned the words in his head before coming up here. He hadn’t recited them out loud, of course - he isn’t a romantic sop - but all of the words start to fly out of his head in the face of Teagan’s...well, face. Joy. Delight. All of the emotions Teagan summons whenever he sees Max. _Everything_ about the man. The words are all gone. Max swallows and straightens his shoulders.

“I know you’re busy but I had hoped to speak with you before we head towards Scylla.”

Teagan nods. “Never too busy to talk to you.”

And Max coughs, a bit of heat trickling into his cheeks. “Yes. Well...I’m glad. You are rather kind to me.”

“I try. You deserve it.”

 _If we talk about what we deserve, we’ll be here all day._ “And I haven’t been honest with you in the past, but I have trying to be now. I have something to tell you.”

Teagan is quiet, expectant. Finally, Max speaks. “I hoped that I might have something to offer you, if you were willing to accept it."

"I'll always take a gift, Max. What is it?"

 _This is it._ "Myself."

The room is dead silent. Teagan is frowning, trying to read Max's face, which has closed off in the face of this emotional development.

“I don’t follow, Max,” Teagan says softly. "You're my friend already. You're crew."

Max shakes his head and frowns. "Do I really have to explain this further?"

Teagan nods. "You ain't trying to sell yourself, are you?"

Laughter bursts from him. "No. I'm not."

Teagan is quiet at that, waiting for an answer, and Max tries. “You are an extraordinary man, Teagan. You are kind without naïveté, charming, brave, exhilarating,” Max laughs self-deprecatingly. “Only a fool wouldn’t fall for you and I am no fool.”

"No, you ain't." Teagan swallows. “Max, I need you to say this in simple words because I don’t quite get it or maybe I do and I’m just scared I’m reading it wrong.”

There are words. There is poetry, sonnets and verses that he could say. There are three very daunting words, and variations of them. But those are not Max's words, and as Max thinks for a moment, he decides that he can do this without words. Anything he could think of would be trite anyways, and Teagan is going to misconstrue whatever he says anyway. So he steps forward, taking advantage that Teagan is sitting and their mouths are closer, and he takes a fistful of Teagan’s scarf. He drags the man forward by it and leans forward, their noses touching. Teagan's breath catches in his throat, his pupils dilating. It is a magnificent sight, to have such power over another person. Max takes a moment to just close his eyes and breathe in the faint smell of Teagan's skin, of sweat, Auntie Cleo's soup, and Purpleberry. 

Teagan's hands hesitantly rest on Max's waist, bracketing his hips. "Max?" His voice is soft. Confused. Hopeful.

Max is standing on the edge of the cliff, peering over. Or perhaps he's hanging off the edge, ready to drop. Or he's already falling.

_Or I've already fallen. Might as well figure out the landing._

“This is what I mean,” and with that, Max presses their mouths together. Teagan’s mouth doesn’t move for a moment, shocked, but then a little whimper creeps out of his throat. Teagan’s hands come up to grip Max’s cassock and he kisses back without any skill. For all of the man's precision, he focuses on passion rather than skill and Max is a sucker in the face of it. Not just that, but the non-verbal answer. The confirmation.

_Thank the Law._

They draw apart and Teagan’s cheeks are pink, his eyes like saucers, and a grin splitting his face. “You…like me?” Teagan’s eyes go wide.

“Yes, you idiot,” Max says fondly. “You really couldn’t see?”

Teagan shook his head. “I must be a real big idiot then.”

 _Yes, but you’re_ ** _my_** _idiot._ “Only occasionally.” The fondness is laden with affection, and even Teagan can read it. 

Teagan leans forward and mutters, “Then let’s hope this isn’t one of those times.” And kisses him again. It’s slightly awkward – Teagan has to shift mid-delivery so not to break Max’s nose with his own – and maybe it’s partly helped by the fact that Max hasn’t been kissed in a very long time. But the moment the kiss presses a little further past chaste, Max groans and pulls Teagan to him, kissing him with desperation.

Teagan makes a mewling sound in his throat. It’s the sexiest thing Max has ever heard. He proceeds to introduce tongue and rob the man of breath.

Teagan leans back when the kiss finally breaks. “Well, fuck me,” He says dazedly.

“That is rather the point, Teagan,” Max replies and Teagan makes another sound that sounds a lot like ‘Law, _please_ ’. Max feels fire burn in his chest at that, at the idea of pressing Teagan down on a bed, burying himself inside, and making Teagan scream. It makes him growl and he presses Teagan back into the chair, leaning over him. His nose presses into Teagan's neck, breathing him in, and he sinks his teeth into the skin. Teagan whines, tilting his head back to give Max more room, and his hands grip Max's hips. The breadth of them is intoxicating, and knowing that Teagan is bigger than him but is giving him all the power is even more so.

Max climbs into Teagan's lap, bracing himself on the man's thighs, and bites again, sucking marks along the skin. Teagan whines and begs, fingers knotting in Max's clothes. Max doesn't stop, feeding his hunger to consume Teagan inch by inch, kiss by kiss. Not that Teagan seems to mind. The man looks happy to be consumed.

With a bite to Teagan's pulse, the Captain's hips buck up into Max's. The grind makes Max groan, and he draws back to kiss Teagan again, sloppy and hungry. There is no room for rational thought - not that Teagan is a master of rational thought, by any means - nor is it gentle. There is just mouths, teeth, hands, and hips. They give and take with equal measure, desperate and gluttinous. Hardness rolls against hardness, and Max curses into Teagan's mouth. "Black fucking holes, _Teagan,"_ he groans, fingers caught in Teagan's clothes.

"Max," Teagan's voice is wanton, and he presses gently on Max's hips, begging for more.

It doesn't take long - Teagan comes with a whine of Max's name, hips stuttering against Max's. Max follows shortly after, fueled by Teagan's expression of eye-closed, brain melting pleasure. There is no cry of the Law or Architect - those have no place in the beds of the nation. They just curl up in the chair, Teagan's hands sweeping slowly over the line of Max's spine, a soft kiss pressed to his forehead. Max has always, at heart, been hungry for touch, and Teagan curling around him is magnificent.

"Spend the night with me?" Teagan asks softly. "Bed's kinda tiny but that means we get to be close."

Max thinks for a moment of the crew's reaction to see him walking out of the captain's room in messy clothes, and the captain following with a neck covered in love bites. As much as Max's dignity will suffer...he can't imagine stepping away.

"Only if you can get me something to clean up with. I would rather not wake up sticky."

Teagan just kisses his temple again, and Max sighs.


	9. Chapter 9

Teagan takes the drugs with him, of course. 

The hermit loves him at first sight. The moment she asks if it what her name is is a multiple choice question and he responds with a slightly frantic "What? A test? No one told me there was gonna be a test, dammit, I hate tests!", her eyes light up.

"Yes! That's the spirit! A fellow traveller, so close to the truth himself!"

Max sighs. "No, he's not. He's just...a bit dim."

Teagan frowns at him. "I take defense at that."

_Law, I love you, you stupid idiot._

"Can we dispense with the nonsense for once, please?" Max feels his patience wearing thin. "We're here to get this book translated."

Teagan blinks, not quite understanding but nods. "Yeah, sure, Max. Go for it."

Max turns to the hermit. "We've been told that this book was once yours. I believe the knowledge within here contains the answers I seek - answers that might free men's minds from toil."

"I can translate it for you, but it won't do you any good. I can see that you're a man in a hurry," the hermit says, "and the insights in that book would take you years of study to fully comprehend."

The desperation starts to kick in. "I've spent my life in contemplation. I believe my mind is prepared to receive the truth."

Teagan chimes in to help. "We've come a long way to help Max get some peace. Isn't there anything you can do to help?"

The hermit taps her chin with a finger. "There is one way that can speed up the process, but it requires several ingredients, some of which can be fatal, and it is not for the unprepared or faint of heart."

A blond eyebrow arches as Teagan asks, "Drugs, right?"

"That's a crass way to put it, but yes. Chemicals that can expand - or destroy - a person's consciousness."

"What happens if you're unprepared?" The concern coming off of Teagan is palpable.

"Either hallucinations followed by unconsciousness and a headache, or raving insanity. Which can be fun, in its own way." She sounds far too delighted, and Max feels his stomach turn for a moment.

"Well, Max says he's prepared, right?"

"And I believe he may be right," the hermit turns to look at Max. Her eyes, initially unfocused and lost in her own ether, focus sharply on him. "There is both violence and peace warring inside you, Max. This process could be extremely tenuous for one such as yourself."

There is only one answer that Max can give. "I'm committed, no matter the cost."

Behind them, Felix snorts. "'No matter the cost'? It's drugs, Max. We ain't making you walk in front of a firing squad."

Teagan elbows Felix in the side to quiet him. (Why the man thought to bring Felix is utterly beyond him. Maybe to make up for the mess with Clyde on the other side of Scylla?)

"I'm in too." Because of course, he is. Max looks at Teagan, and the Captain's warm expression melts his heart. It says, plain and openly, _you don't have to go through this alone._

Which...perhaps is for the best.

* * *

They inhale together, Felix standing off to the side to supervise, as much as Felix _can_ supervise. At first, it feels like nothing is happening. But then...a voice, a figure beside him. "Maximilian, why are you still doing this? You've been fighting against the world since before you left home. Haven't you figured out that the more you fight, the more pain you cause yourself?"

"Mother? You're dead. You can't be here." With that realization, Max just about loses it. "I knew it! I knew this was too good to be true. These are just cheap hallucinogens that have...um..."

Then everything shifts. The world feels out of place, crooked, slightly off colour. His mouth goes dry and he starts coughing mid-sentence. He turns to look at Teagan. "What's happening to my voice? Does my voice sound funny to you? And what's wrong with your face?"

Teagan looks off-colour, glowing, like a badly printed screen gone wrong. Felix laughs. "What's wrong, Max? Can't think straight. Now you know how I feel...wait. Forget I said that."

At this point...Max just might.

Teagan tilts his head like a puppy, eyes wide. "Max, if she's a hallucination, why am I seeing her too?"

When all reason fades, Max's anger will always carry him through. "We're obviously the victims of a tasteless joke being perpetuated...er...perpetrated?" Words arne't working for him. "I mean we're being made fools of, aren't we? When we get out of here, I'm going to show that hermit what you get for messing with me."

His mother appears, a little more corporeal than before, her eyes glowing bright. "Maximilian, always ready to give up, to lash out. Always searching for answers, but always in the wrong place, never inside himself."

Felix obviously can hear all this, the drugs slowly getting to his head, and he cracks, "You look inside yourself all the time, Max, what with your head buried up your posterior."

Max idly flips Felix off by instinct, attention firmly on his hallucinated mother. Teagan interjects gently, "We came all this way, Max. We oughtta hear her out."

His mother turns to look at Teagan, the faint expression in her face fond. "Thank you. It relieves me to see there's at least one positive influence in my son's life after all these years. And one who cares for him so much too."

Teagan goes pink. "You flatter me, ma'am."

 _You would have been their nightmare, Teagan,_ Max can't help but think. _Never in one place, always moving, never quite satisfied. Maybe we are more alike than I thought._

"Has he told you about how he thoughtlessly abandoned us?" His mother words rip him back into reality.

Max stares. "Thoughtlessly? How could you say that? I only wanted you and father to be proud of me. I was going to be the perfect vessel, more...full of the plan." He shakes his head. "It's all coming out wrong. The Plan, it filled you with a joy I could never feel. I wanted it! And being a laborer made me miserable, I was better than that."

"You certainly convinced yourself you were."

He is enraptured by her words, by the thought that this might be his own brain working against him, and by the thought that it might be. And then his mother fades...and a vision of himself appears.

Teagan blurts, "I can't tell you what I'm thinking right now." His eyes dart between the two Max's, almost wild-eyed.

Felix snorts. "Does it involve you being in a Max sandwich, Captain."

Teagan looks at Felix with wide eyes, pupils blown from the drugs. "Can you read minds, Felix?"

"Nope, you're just obvious."

Max's cheeks go red at that image (and that might just be a good fantasy if he can keep it in his mind), but he focuses on the matter right in front of him. "Are you...me?"

"Not really. I'm who you think you are. Disciplined. Controlled. I have no doubts. I don't exist, and yet you have judged yourself against me your whole life. Why? Why do you berate yourself for not being me?"

Teagan frowns. "I don't get half of what you just said, but you're insulting my...person. And he's a stand-up guy."

Max stares. "I...thank you, Teagan."

The hallucination's mouth quirks up in a smile. "You do not see him for all that he is, but you love him for it anyway. You are a good man, Teagan Hawthorne."

* * *

Teagan comes out much the same man that he was before – the man didn’t do much introspection beforehand and is vapid enough that he didn’t need to seek enlightenment in the first place. Although he does manage to throw up in a corner and pass out while still standing up. How that happened, Max isn't sure.

Max, on the other hand…well, he is certainly more self-aware. He feels like a changed man, and the others certainly notice it. The intrinsic core of Max, the story he has told for himself for years, is still the same. He is still hungry, still seeking knowledge, still moving through life with a touch too much violent enthusiasm. But he is more…relaxed. Ready to roll with the punches than ready to fight them. He isn’t at peace, but he thinks he can see it easier than he ever did before.

The crew isn’t sure how to deal with it. Felix and Ellie are sad to lose the person they could needle into a rage. Nyoka finds his quietness amusing. SAM doesn't react in the slightest, because it's SAM, and Parvati is just glad that Max is doing better. She takes his comment to heart that he is still an ass, but just a man who knows that he's an ass and may actually be willing to change in the face of it.

Teagan, on the other hand…Teagan is a little hesitant. He’s still feeling out how Max responds to things now, how Max acts around other people, what kind of things have changed and what hasn’t.

They still kiss and fuck, though. For all of Teagan's silver-tongued assertiveness out in the field, Max hadn't met a man so willing to submit in bed before, but here the Captain is.

Teagan finally bursts out with a question one of their quiet nights together, sharing the terrible bunk. “Do you still feel the same about me?”

Max turns over on his side to look at Teagan, looking up the man’s chest. “What do you mean?”

“After the drugs, I mean?"

Teagan doesn't finish his sentence, but Max can puzzle it out. "You mean has being enlightened changed how I feel about you?”

Teagan nods. There is something in his eyes, an open worry and concern that makes Max’s heart ache. Teagan's faith in him is an unshakeable thing, but Max knows that Teagan's own story of himself includes a thought that he might not be good enough. He worries that Max has realized it, in his enlightened state.

The man could not be further from the truth.

“Let me ask you first. Has it changed how you feel about me?” Max would understand if it had, of course, but Teagan shakes his head forcefully.

“No. You’re calmer, less angry, and though you get real sexy when you’re angry, it’s nice to see you gentle too.” Teagan's fingers slide across Max's cheek, and Max cannot help turning a little into the touch and smiling.

“It is the same for me. I may have changed, but if anything, it has made me more aware of the influence you have had on me."

"The good kind? I mean, your vision-mom said I was a positive influence."

"You are," Max traces an aimless pattern across Teagan's ribs, making him shudder a little from the tickling sensation. "You have grounded me, helped guide me towards this answer I have been looking for. You help rein in my anger, guide it to better solutions."

"So...if you're finding a story...am I still in it?" Teagan sounds hopeful.

Max chuckles. "Don't worry, you are still my idiot.”

Teagan lightly flicks his ear, but there is deep fondness in it. “Never mind my worrying ‘bout you changing then. You’re an ass, but you’re my ass. Still lots to love.”

As much as Max’s brain is off contemplating the cosmos and the vastness of existence, it shudders to a halt at that phrase. _Love_. His chest explodes with joy and he buries his face in Teagan’s chest, unable to hide his smile.

“You are an idiot,” he mutters. Teagan’s fingers gently card through his hair.

“All yours, though.”

Those words feed the possessive hungry part of him that will never truly die, no matter how many drugs he takes or answers he finds.

“That you are."


End file.
